One of the hardest things in this life is to be honest with yourself.
The first reaction when I hear this phrase is to be in a state of complete denial. “I am realistic,” I’ll say to myself.
“I know what I weigh, I am happy to list my development points if asked in a job interview and my insurance company knows I am a social smoker.“ And I suppose these statements are all true and admirable. No problems there.
But I am talking about the deep shit, the stuff that is so deep under the surface, sometimes confusing, that we don’t even want to talk about it. Or in some cases, we talk about it all the time, overanalyse every detail over and and over again, convincing ourselves that we are ok with how things are.
Yet, if we were to take a moment to be silent, uncomfortable feelings may surface. Feelings that are hard to grasp because they have been buried through days and months of a life bombarded by noise and constant action.
These are the feelings that tell us the truth -the real truth- as to what is really going on deep down inside. Some call it intuition, some call it a gut feeling or inkling. I’m sure you know what I am talking about, because we all had moments when that feeling came so strong we could not ignore it. And whether you listened to that gut instinct or not, you knew deep down what the right thing in that situation would have been.
But why is it that we often find it so hard to acknowledge what our mind and body knows all along?
I am convinced that in most cases it is because of fear.
Fear of having to walk away from situations and people we have become attached to, even though they are less than ideal.
Fear of what other people might think if we go with our gut feeling.
Fear because we cannot rationalise our intuition and it can often go against what would make sense rationally.
Fear of the unknown and the anxiety of making the wrong move, regardless of what everything in our gut tells us otherwise.
So how do we know it is time to take a moment and have a long, hard, good look inside? How do we recognise that something inside of us is trying to send us a message?
It often starts with that quiet inner voice that something is off. It can be very hard to pinpoint what that “something” is, especially if everything seems to be just fine on the surface. Odd feelings can come and go, but if these feelings keep coming back – it is worth to take a pause and check in.
The truth is not out there. It is inside. It is a long and difficult road to understand ourselves, but remember that the truth is alive and living in us. When we slowly begin to understand and connect to our inner truth, it can take some time to get comfortable with the feelings and emotions that comes with it. But there is no reason to fear this. The key is to take all the time that is needed. Days, weeks, months, sometimes years. It might feel overwhelming (again) but celebrate this journey and continue on making time for these moments to yourself on a regular basis, to check in and evaluate.
Journal, reflect, whatever is needed.
And remember- your truth is yours, and yours only.
The first version of this text is published on Happy Girl Yoga.